Should we be spying on kids, seniors and the disabled?  Really? To spy or not to spy on our kids or anyone for that matter is an excellent question with all the electronic devices in use today.  Throughout this post, when I’m talking about our kids, I also mean our seniors and the handicapped/disabled.  Any one of us could get taken by someone else on the other side of our devices, but that’s even more so for these groups of people.

Our kids, seniors and the disabled are not as safe as they should be these days.  With the digital age we are in and all the different electronic devices and apps available, anyone can get caught-up in the hidden dangers these devices present.  Or get fooled by someone else using these devices.

SO MANY APPS TO WATCH OUT FOR

Phones, social websites, WhatsApp, Tik Tok, Instagram, SnapChat, etc.  Then as parents, we have to think about recordings, photos, MP3 files, etc.  Oh, and don’t forget about the “sexting” that is going on with teens and adults these days.

I absolutely love being a parent and I totally enjoyed my kids while they were growing up.  But with that joy came the responsibility.  How do we protect them?  Is it ethical to “spy” on them?  Is it a breach of trust?  Or is it something we just have to do in today’s world to keep our kids, seniors and the disabled safe?  I struggle with these same questions, but then I thought of a couple of things.

We actually began “monitoring” our kids the minute they came home from the hospital.  How?  With the baby monitors that we all put in their rooms and then carry around the house.  You could call this spying, right?  Or maybe a violation of trust.

DON’T GIVE ME REASON TO SPY!

As a parent, I’ve always believed it was my responsibility to do whatever was and is necessary to keep my kids safe, at least while they are still under our roof.  Since the day I first discovered I was pregnant, it has been my job to feed, cloth, shelter and protect my child.  I’ll call it monitoring or parenting if that makes people feel better; if others want to call it spying, so be it.

We always told our kids don’t give us reason to have to go to drastic measures to make sure they are safe and not doing anything they shouldn’t be.  You want your privacy, show you deserve and earned it.  It’s no longer just trying to keep our kids out of trouble, but safe from the strangers they come across, even in their late teens.

My two kids are grown, but still this question came up recently in my family.  We discussed finding apps to put on our disabled daughter’s phone to monitor her.  And then the next question came up.  Should we?  Should we actually even think about spying on our daughter, even if we think it is warranted.  The conversation went on from there.  Is this ethical to be doing or, as parents, is it our job to protect our kids, even foregoing their privacy to do so.

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DILEMMA FOR MANY PARENTS AND CAREGIVERS

It is a dilemma that I think a lot of parents and caregivers are going through in this day and age of electronic devices.  Gone are the days that all we had to find was the “diary”.  And up until 10 years ago, we just had to monitor the family PC; now we also have to monitor the personal phones that we gave to our teenagers or that our seniors and those disabled may have.

I have to admit to feeling guilty just thinking about doing this to my daughter.  Let me qualify why we were contemplating this.  My daughter is an adult who sustained a severe brain injury due to a car accident 10 years ago.  This has resulted in her being permanently disabled and in our care for the rest of our lives and hers.  And she still thinks of herself as right around 18-19 when the accident happened.

Now, like most teens these days, she has had her own phone since sometime during middle school, if I remember correctly.  And truthfully, I would not have thought about spying on her through her phone back then.  It never entered my mind as necessary or as a possibility.

We also helped take care of elderly parents who no longer could take care of themselves, but did have cell phones.

NO VIDEO CHATTING ALLOWED

We have tried to tell her, before she gets wrapped up in them, to insist they video chat with her to make sure it’s really the man in the picture.  This, of course, doesn’t happen because there is always a reason they can’t.  Their commander doesn’t let them do video chatting or outgoing phone calls are not allowed on the base they are at or the ship they are on.

Or no phone calls allowed from the oil rig they are working on.  But they always, always seem to be allowed to text her and ask for money.  Or her ID or send her very personal pics asking for the same back from her.

And these people get mad when you have refused to send them what they want.  They get nasty and try to make the person they are texting with feel so bad that you give in and send to them whatever it is they ask for.  When we realized this is what was happening with our daughter, that’s when we moved in.

CALLING THE POLICE DIDN’T HELP

We’ve called the police, only to find out that there really isn’t much they can do.  I couldn’t believe it and was very frustrated.  This is why we started looking for apps that we could use to spy on our daughter.  We were afraid that she will inadvertently give out personal information to one of these scumbags.  And can you imagine how easy it would also be to hoodwink a senior that is not feeling up to par.  So even though it may feel unethical to essentially spy on our daughter, we see no other way to watch out for her.

I don’t feel it would be right for us to take her phone away as that would be punishing her for something she really hasn’t done or caused.  She simply no longer understands the danger and she trust’s everyone.  Not a bad thing and not a good thing either.

AMERICANS AND OUR PRIVACY

Being an American, I value my privacy as much as the next American.  Our right to privacy is a given.  Unfortunately, when the Constitution (Bill of Rights) was first written there was no clue that the digital age would eventually be upon us.  If you really want your privacy, I suggest not getting on the internet at all, for anything.  We give up some of our privacy with the first photo that we put out there.  We no longer have control or privacy of that image or anything we say on the internet.

IN THE END….

So, what did we end up doing with our daughter?  We sat her down and talked to her, explaining that we don’t believe any of the men she has been chatting with and we didn’t want to keep seeing her get hurt.  They would stop chatting with her once they found out she couldn’t send them money.

By this time, we had already taken her ID, bank card and credit cards.  She had always been pretty responsible with them and it wasn’t her we didn’t trust, but the men she thought “loved” her.

After she said goodbye to the latest man she had been chatting with, we took her phone and took off every app that someone could find her on and start a chat with her.  She actually agreed to it and has not asked for any of the apps back.  (And no, she doesn’t know how to put apps on her phone).

READ:  Legal documents that all 18 year olds should have before leaving home.

NOT UNCOMMON

I’m hoping we have gotten past this situation, but rest assured, if I thought I needed to do more drastic measures to protect her, I wouldn’t hesitate.  And I know her father would be right there with me.

My daughter’s situation is not uncommon.  Unfortunately these people know which groups to hit.  We are all aware of the crazies that try to get to our kids, but I also wanted to bring it to the forefront about watching out for our seniors and handicapped/disabled people, as well.  If they can no longer take care of themselves, I’m all for doing whatever is needed to help keep our loved ones safe.

UPCOMING….Spying on Our Kids, Seniors and the Disabled–Part 2

Next week, I’m going to write about the apps that we came across in our research that help monitor electronic devices.  I have to be truthful and admit that I was quite surprised at what information you can keep track of with the apps that are out there.

There are many geared toward our kids and teens; however, there are also some that are appropriate for use to monitor our seniors and the disabled.

I’d love to know what you think about this subject.  Do you agree with monitoring your loved ones this closely or would you rather not go there?  Leave a comment and let me know.  Let’s get a chat going.

Stay Awesome!

Cher

Relevant Reading

Apps to Monitors Kids, Seniors and the Disabled

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