Fortunately, those that no longer care are much happier with their lives.  Learning this one lesson frees you in so many ways.

Worrying over what others think or that they are watching you close enough to care what you are doing is a definite waste of your time.  Thinking that others really pay that much attention to you is an assumption coming from you.  And most of the time, not true, because people just don’t pay as much attention to others as you think.

Another reason so many don’t know what makes them happy is because of always trying to climb the ladder, per se.

We think we’ll be happy when we’ve got the job we “really” want, making the money we want, have the perfect relationship or the biggest, bestest house we can find.

We may be too poor to furnish it and not really living a life that makes us happy, but hey, we showed those Joneses, didn’t we?

These are just some of the reasons why we are not living the life we’d like to and by midlife many turn around and ask themselves……

“What am I doing, how has so much time gone by and I still haven’t done what I want to and make myself happy.”  “I don’t even know what makes me happy anymore.”

“Instead, I feel stuck in a rut, and like I’ve overstayed my welcome.”  “Do I need to reinvent myself, to become the real me?”

I know the feelings behind the thoughts

I know just how these feelings that prompt these questions feel.  Several years ago, I began to wake up in the morning and not want to go to work a lot of the days.  I was tired and thinking that I can’t possibly do this same thing for the rest of my working years until I retire.  I felt stuck, unfulfilled, and definitely unhappy, which I ignored for quite a long time.

Eventually I started looking for something else I could do that I could spend more time at home and not have to drive such a commute (over an hour each way ☹) everyday.

Somehow, I came up with the idea of writing a blog; it clicked and a year and a half later, here I am.  Writing my blog makes me happy.  It gives my mind a way to stay active and also takes care of my creative side.

Oh, and I changed jobs too.  One fell into my lap that I couldn’t turn down.  It’s only 20 minutes from home and I only have to go into the office three days a week.  The rest of the time I work from home.  Now, I don’t mind when the alarm goes off.

TIPS TO FIGURE OUT WHO YOU ARE

You really can’t make any changes in your life to become happier until you first know who you are.  To figure out what makes you happy, you first have to know yourself.  It’s essential.  If you don’t know who you are, how will you determine what makes you happy.

Here are some tips to think about to get you started on answering these two important questions.

Tip One

Be open to change.  This is the biggest tip I can give you.  You must be open to any changes that may come your way. Otherwise you may miss out, if your mind is closed, before you even consider something.

Tip Two

Let your heart guide you when trying to figure out who you are and what makes you happy.  This is not a time to be analytical or logical.

Tip Three

Stay focused on you.  Do not focus on what you don’t want or the obstacles that you think may be in your way.

This is where learning mindfulness would be helpful to switch your mind and attention away from the distractions that come along and instead learn to focus on this challenge for yourself.  Focus on your goal to determine who you are and what you want, not the distractions.  Learn about mindfulness here.

Learning who you are at this point in your life will take focus.  Turn off notifications on your phone and focus on questions about yourself. 

REINVENTION OF YOURSELF

After coming to the conclusion that you really don’t know what would make you happy, you need to realize that this is the first thing that you need to determine.

Don’t know where to start?  Let’s see what we can do about that.

I suggest you carry around or keep handy a small notebook or these worksheets to jot down ideas you have at any given time.   This notebook will become particularly important when it is time to analyze the information you have collected for yourself.

I’ve created a guide that will help you reinvent yourself that contains the questions we are going to go through.  Just download it below.

One

Give yourself a time limit.   This time limit is up to you.  Look over all of the worksheets and questions to determine how much time you may need to fill everything out.

If you think two weeks of collecting information is enough time for you, mark your calendar for two weeks out.

If two months feels more right for you, then mark your calendar for two months out.  But I think that a two-month limit should be the longest amount of time to use.

If your target date is too far out, you’ll tend to put off answering your questions or worse yet—you’ll forget about your goal of making yourself happy altogether.

Two

Give yourself permission to admit and confront those things that do not make you happy.

This may be hard but must be done.  You first have to know what doesn’t make you happy in order to figure out what does.

This may not be an easy thing and may be hard to admit, but you need to do a brutally honest assessment of yourself here.

This process isn’t for anyone else’s eyes so you can feel comfortable and put down anything that suits you. This first step helps build a foundation of understanding yourself better.

What is creating friction; how do you relate to yourself and  others?  What or who are you resentful of?  Is there anyone in your life that causes you to say “oh no” to yourself when they come around?

Three

Write down things you think of or see others doing that may make you happy and bring you joy.

What did you see that made you happy?  What did you see someone else doing, that you think might make you happy?

Write down any ideas you come up with and the pros and cons.  Don’t hold back; remember, no one else will see this but you.

Write these things down and why you are thinking these could be good for you or help you become who you want to be.  Don’t worry about what others might think.  This is where you identify the parts of your life that bring you joy for right now in this space of time.

Four

What changes would you like to see in yourself or what would feel fun to add to your life right now?

Follow your joy to figure out what would bring you happiness and balance to your life.

Five

What are your fears about the changes you want to make. What might hold you from moving forward with making yourself the happiest you can be?

Write anything down that you come up with and consider a fear that will hold you back.  Writing them down helps make the fears specific.  You can not come up with a plan to turn these fears around if you don’t acknowledge them.

Six

Take each of those fears and write down why each is not a good enough reason to keep you from being happy. When doing this, you need to be brutally honest with yourself.

Remember that Source energy did not put us on this earth to be too afraid to be happy.  You should be happy most of the time.

To Source energy you are enough and always will be.  Repeat that to yourself if you need too and however many times it takes to start believing that you are worthly of happiness.  “I AM ENOUGH!”  Say it again; “I AM ENOUGH!”

Seven

Go back to each of your fears again and write down a way to turn your fear into a positive that will help you become who you want to be and therefore, happier.

You need to turn your mindset toward the positives rather than your fears and this is where you figure out how to do that.

I’ll admit, this is where I have trouble.  When this happens, I turn to someone I totally trust that I know has my best interest in mind.  I would discuss these fears and usually between the two of us, we can come up with appropriate solutions.

Eight

What is my cost of inaction. Quite simply, here is where you would write down what it would cost you to not move forward with and impliment the changes you have come to discover in your worksheets.

Inaction will get you no where and by choosing to use this guide you have already come to the realization that you do want to change your life for the better.

When you write down what your inaction will cause or not cause, you will have something to refer back to and remind yourself why you want to change.

Facing the results of inaction also gives you another place to confront your fears and doubts and helps you learn to turn towards your positives in your worksheets.

Sometimes we need reminders of why.  Why do I want to be happier?  Will I get to that goal by staying with the status quo?  Inaction makes no inroads to happiness.

Nine

Can you see yourself doing any of the things you have written about?

Go through your journal when your time is up and cross out what doesn’t seem right to you now that you’ve had time to think about it.  Circle or star what does seem right.  Are these easy changes you can make, or will they take longer?

Ten

Now its time to implement the things and ideas you have collected in your workbook. Don’t get too hyped up once you’ve decided on a few things or visions of your new self.

Trying to change several things in your life at once would be setting yourself up for failure.  Changing too much, all at once, usually doesn’t work and you will be unhappy with yourself again.

Instead, focus on one of your intentions/goals monthly.  Work on the change for several weeks so that it becomes a habit or second nature.  Change takes one step at a time.

Your goals and intentions are not something that you decide you want to do, and wham—it happens.   Don’t worry if this part of the process takes longer than you expect.

There is no time limit here.  Just stay connected to your goal and remember why you wanted the change in the first place.

Add Some Relaxation to the Mix

Don’t forget to include some relaxtion into your daily steps for change.  Relaxation is very important to our well-being and creates a more balanced life.

Revisit your worksheets as often as needed to remind yourself what you are trying to achieve and change.   Remember, at the end of the process, you want to be happier.

Go With the Flow With What is Right For You

Don’t necessarily make a plan, go with the flow here or at least let your plan morph as you work your vision.

Going forward from here should feel “right” to you.  If it doesn’t, you may have to go back and focus more on the point of the change you are trying to make and really feel the “rightness” of it for you.  Or tweek the desired change until it is right for you and no one else.

This is where you really need to keep your mind open.  You may fail several times before the change you want really takes.  If you have decided to change something about yourself and you genuinely think this change fits you, then focus and give yourself time.

Remember failure can actually lead to success and that these changes need to be right for you.  No one else, just you.  And while focusing on your new vision, you will learn more about who you are.

Here are a few last tips to help you to get through this process.

TIP FOUR

Walk away from anything that gives you bad vibes these days.  If you’re bored with what you are doing, feel restless, or just want to find something new to do; these all qualify as bad vibes.  What you are doing or coming across no longer is making you feel happy.  And that is what you are going for.  Things that make you happy!

TIP FIVE

Oh, and you do not have to explain to anyone why.  And you may get someone or more than one person that questions why you have stopped doing what you’ve always done.  They may even let you know in no uncertain terms.

You have to remember:  It’s your life, not theirs.  Just like them, you have the right to do your own thing, with no apologies.

TIP SIX

Pay absolutely no attention to the fear of your failure.  Failure actually leads to success because with each failure, you figure out what NOT to do the next time.  So, my advice is to just move right through the fear.

TIP SEVEN

Focus on your daily steps to reach your goal and making it a habit rather than the “big picture” that may be frightening at first.  If you’ve ever worked on any type of project, you know that the big goal is broken down into smaller steps and goals to reach for.

By doing this, a way to reach the goal of the project is figured out.  You work the steps day by day until the end goal is met, with overwhelm kept to a minimum.  And when figuring out the steps you want to take, remember that these steps should feel “right” to you.

TIP EIGHT

Don’t forget to include some relaxtion into your daily steps for change.  Relaxation is very important to our well-being and I know many women tend to think relaxing means they aren’t doing something they should be doing.  So, what!  Everything will still be there after some relaxation time and you will feel more able to get things done.

Here in the U.S., we seem to be obsessed with always doing something.  We bring work home with us; the dishes need done, the laundry is waiting, etc., etc.

But when we ignore adding some downtime in our busy schedules, our lives are actually unbalanced and eventually we will be hit right between the eyes with exhaustion.  So, if you must, schedule your downtime.  Maybe this needs to be one of your goals for making yourself happier and that’s not a bad thing.

LAST THOUGHTS

We all need to add small spots of joy and relaxation to our everyday lives.  The more balanced your life is, the happier you will be.  Life is about the little joys we welcome into our everyday lives.  Enjoy the journey and have the will and strength to live on your terms with approval from no one other than yourself.

Terms that include your very own dreams and goals and where you try to include them along with your joys in most of the days of your life.

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Here are some books that may help you on your journey:

The Art of Talking to Yourself
On Becoming An Artist

Stay Awesome!

Cher

Relevant Reading:

Stop or Change These Behaviors If You Want to Be Happier
Herbs For Female Hormones
Time for A Life Audit

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