We all influence, subtle or not.  We may not realize it, but we do.  It can be something simple or something profound.  I learned this years ago.  As I was walking into a restaurant to have lunch with a friend, I walked by several people and smiled.  I don’t remember doing so, but I know I smiled because half-way through lunch, an older gentleman came up to our table, looked at me and said “Thank You”.

I had no idea who he was or why he would be thanking me.  He continued, “As you came into the restaurant and walked by my table, you smiled at me and it brightened my day.  I just wanted to thank you for that.”  With that he went on his way out of the restaurant.

My friend and I looked at each other, smiled and continued with our lunch.  But, over thirty years later. I’ve never forgotten that encounter.  I don’t remember what the elderly gentlemen looked like, but I remember what he said, and I’ve often wondered why.  I also remember that it made me feel good.  Again—why?

SUBTLE FOR A REASON

I titled this post ‘The Subtle Power of Influence’ for a reason, so let me explain.  I’m not talking about the type of influence that we all learn about in a book like “How to Win Friends and Influence People” especially in our “work world”.  Rather, I’m referring to the subtle ways that we influence as we go through life.  Many times, without realizing it that “influencing” is what we are doing.  And even then, your influence has power.

Let’s look at the difference between power and influence according to the getsmarter.com website; power is forced, while influence is voluntary.  I can somewhat agree with that statement, but the post I was reading was really focused on the workplace and here I want to focus on the “subtle power” our influence has on others throughout our daily life.

The definition of “subtle” is delicate or elusive, something we may not even realize.  That’s the kind of influence I’m talking about, kinda like my encounter with the gentlemen I talked about earlier.  I had absolutely no idea that my walking by him and smiling would affect him enough to come to me and comment on it.  But it did, which in turn affected me.  A simple encounter that affected both parties, one for possibly just that afternoon and the other for a lifetime.

WE ALL INFLUENCE

My point is that we ALL influence someway or another.  And shouldn’t we be aware of that?  I’m sure most of us realize that we all influence our families and friends, but we also, all have the power to influence someone we may encounter for just a few seconds.  So, we need to decide what kind of influence we want to throw around.  The helpful, kind type of influence or something like the “Debbie Downer” type or I’m going to bowl you over and I don’t care how that effects you kind of influence.

When we are on our personal growth journey, we may want to take a long look at ourselves and decide what kind of aftermath we want to leave behind us as we go through life. 

Another example; this past week, I was with someone that is very dear to me who I know is very definitely and passionately opinionated.  We were talking about a show we had both been following and she quite adamantly said that this woman’s life was “Bullshit” in reference to the choices the woman had made in her life. 

 What my friend didn’t realize was that my life, over the past several years, was running somewhat parallel to the lady’s in the show.  My friend’s opinion on the “show lady’s” life was affecting me greatly as it seemed to me she was giving a rather bad opinion on my life, which to me wasn’t good and she didn’t pay any attention to how I was feeling. 

I’M NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT YOU FEEL

Now I know that we are told these days that no one else can “make” us feel any certain way.  How we feel after someone has done something or said something to us, falls on our shoulders.   We can’t give our own power away like that.  I don’t think I agree wholeheartedly with that belief anymore.  Sometimes that power is taken in no uncertain terms.

Here is why:  In the business world we are taught that what we say and do influences how we are perceived and looked at as far as our business reputation goes.   We affect how people feel about us.  According to Webster’s Dictionary, the definition of “influence” is “the power or capacity of causing an effect in indirect or intangible ways”. 

So, how can what someone says to us that causes us to feel a certain way be on just our shoulders.  I know that I have caused someone, sometime, to feel badly after having said something I maybe shouldn’t have.  When confronted with that fact, I’ve replied to that person, that that feeling is on you, not me because what I said had to do with how I feel. 

I know I don’t want to cause guilt or bad feelings for anyone most of the time, at least, not intentionally.  And, I’m now thinking that we can’t have our cake and eat it too.

TRAINING OUR KIDS

I know as my kids were growing up, we corrected them whenever they said something that would hurt another person’s feelings.  Most of us do this.  So, why as adults is it suddenly OK to say whatever to who ever because whatever feelings come up for the receiver of our words is their fault.  Really?  I don’t think so. 

As parents, we deliberately try to influence our kids.  Most of us want them to grow up to be good and kind, law-abiding citizens.  We want our kids to have feelings and thoughts that will lead them down this path.  So, we “influence” their thoughts and feelings deliberately as they grow.  There is no “how you feel is your problem, not mine” kinda thing.

We can’t be trained to influence people to our way of thinking or feeling in some instances as OK and not think that what we say or do at other times that then causes someone else to feel badly, is all on them.  Shouldn’t we be aware of the type of trail we are leaving behind in all instances?  Simply put…at times, we “influence and affect” people on how they should feel and that’s on all parties involved.  Sometimes we want this to happen on purpose and other time we aren’t aware that is what we are doing.

We “influence and affect” all the time.  And that includes people’s feelings and the trail we leave behind.  I think I may be changing my way of thinking a bit on today’s society thinking that “what you feel is on you” and what I may have said or did to cause those feelings has nothing to do with it.

Our influence can be very subtle but pack a powerful punch, like my smile to the gentlemen in the restaurant and his response that has lasted for years, for me.

A SHORT STORY ON HOW WE INFLUENCE

Below is a short story that I read on Facebook and kept because I thought of it for days afterwards.  It’s about a boy’s subtle influence on a woman and how they were still affecting each other years later.  And isn’t it funny how their story has affected/influenced others enough to share on Facebook for hundreds or maybe even thousands of others or is it all on you, the reader?

MY INFLUENTIAL CONCLUSION

We may never know who we are influencing or how but know that we are and do.  Just as others are influencing us.  I’d love to hear your opinion on this.

Stay Awesome!
Cher

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