Be Happier - Stop or Change These Behaviors * Spotlight My Health

Want to be happier? Stop or change these behaviors.

Part of getting to know yourself is knowing what to keep in your life and what to get rid of or just not give a shet anymore or as much. Want to be happier? Then stop or change certain behaviors you may be repeating without realizing it.

It’s called freedom because that is what you feel once you decide on what parts of your life you want to change or do away with. Changing your thinking and making things better for you.

I’ve learned that age does have its advantages. I started a journey of self-awareness and growth several years ago, so between that and age, I’ve learned a few things that would have been nice to realize and believe when I was younger. Isn’t that, in fact, what many of us feel once we’ve hit midlife. If we only knew then what we know now.

“Own Our Awesome participants in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites”.

THINGS I’VE STOPPED

No Longer Care So Much About What Others Think

We are hard-wired for this. Think about how important this is to us by the time we hit adolesence. Continual worry about what others think takes your life away and makes it theirs. Be you and start respecting what it is that makes you happy. Because when you think about, you are giving someone else too much credit and control of you. They really aren’t thinking too much or too long about you. They have their own lives that take up as much time as your life does for you.

Always Feel Like Other People Are Watching

Don’t like being the center of attention. Never have. But have always been a people watcher and have realized that most people are not really paying much attention to you. Most are way too busy running their own lives and I hate to say it, but probably just don’t care as much as you think.

don't compare yourself to others-be happier? Stop or change these behaviors

Stop Hating What You Look Like and Comparing Yourself to Others

I believe in the Divine and that he made me. It dawned on me one day that every time I cut myself down with my own in-house stinkin thinkin, I’m actually cutting down what He made and that didn’t sit well with me.

I came to realize that in the big scheme of things me going out without make-up on makes no difference to the way my day goes or anyone elses. Because there was a time, I would not have thought about leaving home without a full face of make-up on, etc., etc.

When you compare yourself to others you are not making a fair or realistic comparison. You are only seeing what you see. You’ve no knowledge really of the other person’s life, what they feel inside, what happens when they go home, what work is like for them. You only know bits and pieces.

Your life’s path is suppose to be different, because you and the person you are cmparing yourself to are two different people. There’s no way your life and theirs could be alike. NONE! So, stop comparing.

Embarassment and/or Rejection

Truthfully, I don’t seem to embarrass very easily unless the rejection is thrown in there. I don’t like either one of these any more than anyone else, but I’ve learned both are a part of life—get over it and move on.

Human’s are not made perfect so why would you think that mistakes shouldn’t be made and if they are they berate yourself. Again, someone that the Creator made. I’ve never understood that and believe this is not worth spending my energy on.

Embarrasment— There is a book written by a radio announcer that I listen too. He named it “Fail Until You Don’t”. We all fail, we all have been rejected. But most of the time, if we pay attention, we learn a lesson from those failures or rejections and learn that we no longer fail so much.

Reputation

In my work life, my reputation has always been important to me. I wanted to be known for doing my job exceptionally, on time and correct, someone that can be counted on. But then, life happens to you and your family and you begin to realize that your rep at work may be important, but time with your family is way more important. Something about priorities and balance in life.

My Big Mouth, Ego and Shame

I try, I really do, but it seems my ego takes off with my mouth at times. And it shames me that I may leave someone feeling worse for having been near me. This is something that I still struggle with in my journey. The need to be right. That’s our ego getting in the way. More and more I can just shut my ego down even when I know I’m right, and just leave things be, as is. But, ohhhh, it is so hard for me, especially when I think it could harm someone along with way. Pride cometh before the fall—isnt that what a lot of us grew up hearing.

Stop Thinking So Hard

Ya know when I was younger and decorating our home, I really paid attention to every little detail. I’d spend days deciding on exactly which color of yellow for the walls. I didn’t realize that once whatever shade was up on the wall, I wouldn’t really remember what the other colors looked liked. Or different swatches of materials for the accent pillows. Really? Again, you really don’t remember what the other swatches may have looked like. Don’t sweat the small stuff—remember that saying? Well, it fits right here. Pick a color and move on.

Living in the Past

We are all made up of what our pasts brought into our lives, but that doesn’t mean we have to dwell on it. If things were miserable, they were miserable and that won’t ever change because it has already happened. Always thinking of the past is actually toxic and could be keeping you from living your full life.

Know that your past is your past and look to the future. I know that sounds way too simple, but truly, bringing up or thinking of your past all the time will get you no where because it’s a revolving door. Another big waste of your time. Concentrate on the here and now and make the changes you want now and be happy for yourself and your family.

find your people-be happier? Stop or change these behaviors

Drama, Drama, Drama

Are you someone that thrives on drama? Absolutely everything in your life is always a big deal—at least in your mind. This person is out to get you, you always get the hard tasks at work or the ones no one else will do. Well, stop the insanity.

A little hard truth here—these things are likely being brought on by you, yourself because of your own mindset. So it is up to you to recognize that and stop it. If something or someone is truly making your life miserable, its time to make some changes.

Don’t keep anyone around that brings you down and then change your own attitude. Like attitude attracts the same. If you are always negative and think that way, that’s what the universe is going to send to you because that is all it hears you thinking or talking about. Law of Attraction coming into play here.

Change the thoughts and throw something else out there, some good thoughts so that is what you attract back to you.

Running On Empty

So many of us feel like we have to just keep going because there is always so much to do. It’s constant, with no relaxation planned in your day, week or month, for that matter. This is toxic, the gas tank eventually runs low and then out. It’s not selfish to take time to play and/or relax. It’s as much a neccessity as eating and sleeping. Downtime goes with the equation about balance in all things. Take the time to reenergize yourself and stop running on an empty tank. Its good for you and all those around you.

THINGS I CHANGED

Learned I Need to do What Is Good For Me–Even Though Others May Not Understand the Why of It

It’s the only way you can be truly happy, the deep down kinda happy. And it’s not always an easy thing because you have others pulling you in different directions. That will never change until you change it. It may be time to put your foot down for some time for you. And mean it!

Be a little bit stubborn for yourself and let your family know that whatever you have decided that makes you happy, you plan on pursuing that and that won’t change.

For me, it is blogging. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, but a novel just always seems so daunting. So last year when I decided to take up running a blog, I knew I found my deep, down happy. Blogging takes a lot of time and my family has gotten used to it. Yes, I felt guilty at first, but I just had to get through that guilt so I could do this for me.

Some family members don’t understand, but that’s OK, this is for me. Gotta change what you do and change your mindset.

Listen to People When They Tell You Who They Are (Maya Angelou)

This is sooooo true. Listen to your gut when someone shows you their true colors. If they fit in your life, OK. But if they don’t, say goodbye. You have better things to do than spend time with someone that doesn’t add to your life. True friends and family lift you up, not bring you down. Good lesson to learn.

Pay Attention to Your Gut

For some reason, a lot of us don’t pay attention to what our “gut” tells. During my personal growth journey, I have learned that my “gut” usually does me right. I’ve had to make myself pay attention to it rather than just go with what I know in my head. This take some time, but it feels more right for me, at least.

Give Up What I Can’t Control

Another hard one for me. I’ve said several times, that I’m a planner and what does that say when you actually think about. We plan so we can control—see where am I going with this?

So many of us are caught up in the trap of worry. Worry is basically a feeling of no control. And some take worry to a whole new level.

I have a friend who worries herself to death almost and it affects me because I’m with her so much. She has taken the act of worry to the point of controlling her life.

If she doesn’t do this, that might happen or what if this doesn’t happen, how will I handle it. It’s like she wants to figure out all the contingencies, before something happens.

Even if nothing happens, she still apologies. She may not have had anything to do with anything, but I hear her apologizing anyway. Do you realize that apologizing when you’ve done nothing, still basically makes it seem like you are guilty of something?

The other party may not know what, but you did apologize, so you must have done something. Most of the time absolutely nothing happens and all friends worry was for nothing.

I think many of us begin realizing that most of the things we worry about are not worth our time and energy. And even if something does go wrong, experience tells you that most things do work themselves out. Time really does take care of some things. Taking action does solve some situations, but so does not taking action. The act of doing nothing lets time go by and therefore situations move on.

World Events

This was also something that I found hard to give up but am glad I did. I would get so angry about things that were happening, especially in my own country. And since we are bombarded by news, 24/7/365, there is always something that kept that feeling of anger right under my skin.

So I went cold turkey and no longer listen to the news to and from work or listen to the news channel at work or stay up at night to make sure I caught the news to see if I missed anything.

OMG, it was so freeing. I don’t feel the need to listen anymore and if I find myself leaning toward that way again, I can turn myself around.

I can do this because I’ve come to realize that in the grand scheme of things, none of these events or not many, at least, will affect my life very much. And in a week or two, will anything that has made me angry or afraid make a difference? The current things will be gone due to the new and up-coming event.

TOOLS TO HELP AND CHANGE YOUR MINDSET

Meditation:

I can’t say enough about this. See my post on Meditation For Beginners

Journaling: When you get in the habit of writing things down, especially the stuff that bothers you, you have given yourself a path. You can look back and realize what situation or things didn’t really matter that at the time they were happening you thought was a really big deal.

Healthier Eating and Living:

We all know this, so that’s all I’m going to say.

Find your “people”:

This means those people that will build you up when you need it, come running when you need help and make you laugh like there is no tomorrow.

These are the people you want to have in your life on a daily basis. If someone doesn’t fall into this category, then you may want to move on and cut the ties.

Books:

On self-growth, self-care, anything that may help you with whatever you’re working on during your journey.

Groups:

I found several meet-up groups in my area that I joined to learn some of the things I was working on during my journey. I met people at all different stages of their own journey’s and we ended up learning from and helping each other. I made many good friends in these groups.

I’ve put these suggestions in the card below so that you can’t print it out if you want to. All of these things take time and are not something that can happen on the turn of a dime (at least for most). I’d love to hear something about your journey.