Need some helpful tips to deal with negative people?  Many of us have to deal with someone, at one time or another, who is more negative than we care for.

Humans are social, so a lot of our happiness can depend on our relationships.  But what happens to your happiness when a negative person comes around.  The negativity of another can and will affect your thoughts, feelings, and attitude.  And that’s not a good place to be for anyone.

Unfortunately, many of us would instantly have someone come to mind when asked if they knew a negative person.  Most of us would know a negative person at work or at church, even a friend or family member that tends toward the negative side.

A negative person is someone who never learned how to not let negative thinking take over their life.  And on top of that, most negative people are totally unaware that they are like this.  They also have no clue that they have a reputation for their negativity.

Negative People Create A Black Hole of Negativity

It’s like they’ve gone into a black hole of negativity and don’t know they are there let alone how to get out.  It takes over and can ruin their life without them realizing what is happening and that they are the cause.

Somewhere along their journey, most positive people have learned how to face their problems head on, which in turn counters the negativity.  This is the mechanism that negative people are missing.

Because they are so far down that black hole, they think everything that goes wrong in their lives is caused by everyone else.  Not themselves.  And it sounds perfectly plausible and natural to them.

It’s also believed that all this negativity comes from the fear/flight part of our brains.  Negative people are in constant danger/fear/flight mode.  Because of this, even more bad news gets stored in their memory, making these types of memories their main ones.

What Causes Someone To Be So Negative

There may be many reasons that cause a person to become so negative.  Current thinking is there are, at least, four main underlying reasons they have turned to the negative side.

–Feel they are not loved or fear of not being loved.  Somewhere in their journey,  the negative person has decided they are not worthy of love, or they just don’t feel loved.  This is a big loss for anyone; as humans (each and everyone of us) need to feel love from someone.

–Need to feel protected.  This is like love.  We all need it and we all need to feel safe and protected, especially when we were growing up.  If not, you begin to look at the world around you through fearful eyes.

–Fear of being disrespected.  Negative people have the need for others to think that they’ve got it going on.  And they are very thin skinned, making the possibility of them feeling disrespected very probable, even when that may not be the case.

–Fear that bad things are going to happen.  This is the underlying cause of all the negative person’s worry.  Unfortunately, most don’t realize that its fear causing them to be so negative and you can’t fix what you are not aware of.

Characteristics of Negative People

You’ve come across a negative person when you recognize any of the following:

–Always complaining.  Don’t realize that the complaining only adds to their feeling of unhappiness with their life

—They think they are the only ones who are right.  Negative people truly think they are right.  And will put most anything or anyone that disagrees with them in a negative light.

—Reputation is bad because of their attitude.  Negativity is an attitude that most others don’t care for.

—Do not step out of their comfort zone. – A negative person would never step past their self-imposed comfort zone.  This is due to fear of more discomfort, failure and challenges they don’t want to take on.

—Love to keep up with the gossip/secrets and bad news of the world around them.  At the same time, they are very careful not to give up too many of their own secrets.  They fear that someone could use something against them if they tell too much about themselves.  This enables the negative person to continue putting dark light on their outlook of life.

There is Always a “But”

—Use “but” a lot and can make good news into bad, very quickly.  For example, they are at the beach with some friends for the day.  Someone says something about what a great day for the beach.

Negative Nellie comes back with, yeah, but with those clouds over there, we will probably get rained on soon and ruin the whole day.  So instead of enjoying the day, they watch the clouds—that by the way never bring rain.

But that is what a negative person does—imagine anything and everything that can go wrong.  This type of thinking can cause a person to miss out on a lot of good things in life.

—Bigtime Underachievers. A negative person believes they are not good enough or smart enough to really accomplish anything.  Because of their crippled thinking and critical and confrontational manner with others, not much gets done.

Instead, they’ll complain about how slow, and difficult the others were on a project.  And because no one else was doing their fair share, the project didn’t get completed or ran overtime.

Energy Vampire

—Can suck the energy and positivity out of anyone.  Have you ever walked away from someone that is negative and felt totally exhausted?  That’s because the longer you hang around and listen to them, they eventually will zap all your energy.    This is because they can’t produce any of their own positive energy.  So, they take yours with them, leaving you deflated.  Some call these types of people “energy vampires.”

—They consider themselves to be victims.  Making themselves to always be the victim, helps them keep the blame for their lives on others.  It also gives them fuel to tell anyone else that will listen, how to live their lives.  After all, it’s easier for the negative person to tell others how to live rather than get their own lives in order.  Another thing they are unaware of.

—Worry a lot.  The negative Nellies are Olympic gold medalists at worrying.  They look at things from every angle and will worry about worrying.

How to Deal With Negative People and Keep Your Own Positive Energy

When you know someone with negative characteristics, one of the first things you need to do is decide how you want to handle the situation when they are around.

You may be the type of person that wants to help everyone, which is commendable.  However, with a negative Nellie, that would not be good for you physically or mentally in the long run.

Here are some suggestions you can try to keep your negative person enough at bay that you can continue your life peacefully.

–Avoid Blame.  When they are in complain mode don’t suggest that the problems the negative person may be complaining about could be caused by them.  They don’t want to hear it and wouldn’t believe you anyway.

-Empathize with them.  If you feel you have to be nice, which isn’t a bad thing, just be pointed in how you do it.  Many times, the negative person just needs someone to listen for a bit and do a little empathizing to help them feel like they are understood.

You don’t need to offer help, just let them know you understand.  Besides, rarely, does the negative person want to hear your advice; remember they feel they know best.

Just give some empathy, then your boundaries should kick in to protect yourself.  Don’t get more involved than that or you will start feeling zapped of your own positive power and energy.

Stay Calm and Firm When You Deal With Negative People

–Respond calmly.  But don’t keep encouraging the other person to continue on with whomever or whatever they may be ranting about.

–Be firm.  You need to set boundaries.  Even if you are not comfortable with sharing your boundaries with the negative person, solidify those boundaries in your own mind and stick to them.  For instance, even if the other’s story isn’t finished, but you feel your energy dwindling, calmly, but firmly explain that it is time for you to move on.

–Detach yourself.  I don’t mean to never speak or spend time with your negative person again.  But rather take care of yourself first and without guilt.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with you setting your own time limit with this person.  It is your decision when, where and how long to spend time with them.

–Refocus.  This is important for your own wellbeing.  After spending time with a negative person its very easy to go down the negative road yourself and get stuck there.  And the more time spent with someone negative, the more negativity rubs off onto you.

So, you need to recite positive affirmations to yourself, look at a favorite pic of your kids, do or think about something that will bring your positivity back.  Think about this ahead of time so you will be prepared when needed.  The sooner you can get back your own positive power, the better.

–Hang with your positive friends, co-workers or family.  Always turn to the standby positive, upbeat people that you know.  Your system will need a shot of positivity after being with a negative person.  This is just good self-care for yourself.

Even if you did some venting yourself while being with the negative person, realize that’s ok, because we all have to do that at times.  The thing to remember here is that immediately afterwards, take back your personal power of positivity.  Get back to you.  The sooner the better.

Final Thoughts

No matter how much positive energy you throw out, there will also be others around us that will counteract that positivity with their own negativity.  This can be very frustrating, especially with some place like work where you may not be able to get away from the negative person very easily.

This is why we need to learn or figure out our own best way to cope with those around us that try to spread their own brand of negativity.  After all, we know that one bad apple can affect the whole bunch and in the work environment, this can change worker morale.

When those that have a more positive outlook on life hang together, they can help each other keep the negativity at bay for the betterment of everyone in the office.  As a collective, you can choose to keep the  conversations about pleasurable, fun topics or you can turn a radio on to reduce stress in your area.

I’m a nester that is affected by my environment, so I try to make my area as cheerful as I can.  I may hang inspirational sayings around, arrange pictures of my kids and pets around me that make me smile when I look at them.

On my desk, I also have a selenite crystal to absorb and heal negative energy in my area of the office.  I do the same things in my home.

If this is what you need to do to counteract negativity, do it.

So you have anything specific that you do in order to counteract the negativity of others that you come across.  I’d love to hear your ideas.

Stay Awesome!

Cher

Relevant Reading:

Learn and Practice How to Like Yourself
How to Keep Positive Thinking Flowing

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